A lot of the evidence in the case against Bates, the valet, was based on remarks he had made to, or in the hearing of, various members of the Downton household. As one was given the impression that the witnesses had not previously co-operated with the prosecution, how did the latter know who to call or what questions to ask? Perhaps I missed something.

 I am certainly not a prude and admit that my own language at times leaves something to be desired. I also accept that the use of the “F” word can be amusing in the right context. There is, for example, a tribute song the fans have for Per Mertesacker, our German international 6’6” central defender, which begins “F…ing big German, we’ve got a f…ing big German” and is sung to the tune of Guantanamera. It is not, however, in the least amusing to hear some moron shouting obscene abuse every time he gets frustrated by his team, the other team or the referee. It seems that the “F” word is about the only adjective these oafs use.

 This behaviour is unacceptable and clubs should take steps to stamp it out. It ought to be possible if the stewards were instructed to be more active.

On top of that Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mother was coming to visit which stressed out Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out. Heaven knows where.

As Santa began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered everywhere.    Extremely frustrated, Santa went into the house for a glass  of cider and a shot of rum to calm himself down but, when he got to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.  In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider glass, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. When he went to get the broom, he found that mice had eaten all the straw off the end of it.
  
Just then the doorbell rang and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a cheerful little angel with a great big Christmas tree!  The angel said very joyfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa! Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?” 

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.

Hello Alive & Twitching,

We’re working with TalkTalk to help them connect with the UK’s 50 plus communities online.

In the run up to Christmas, perhaps the last thing anyone thinks about is internet speed – until Christmas morning and someone unwraps a brand new box or tries to use Skype video.
This year, it’s estimated that 16 million devices will be connected on Christmas morning.

We have some tips to share that can help:

One of TalkTalk’s BrightSpark engineers, a guy called Isaac, came up with a list of 6 simple things anyone can do in their own home (even if they’re not a TalkTalk customer) to help improve their speed. It’s in the TalkTalk blog here http://www.talktalkblog.co.uk/2011/12/22/top-tips-for-improving-your-internet-connection-this-christmas/, there’s a video that can be downloaded http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVHHbJdRBPE&feature=colike .

Thank you

 Catherine

When a hearse and funeral procession go over the bridge, one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.   When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits down and carries on fishing.

 His friend turns to him and says, “That’s one of the nicest, most respectful things I’ve ever seen.”

“Well”, came the reply,” we were married for 20 years.”

•  My aunt has an insurance policy that covers a variety of domestic emergencies. She had a similar policy with a different company the previous year and it was not entirely clear from the papers in my possession whether the earlier cover had been renewed. If it had been, it would, of course, have been a total waste of money. I therefore telephoned that company to try to find out. I explained the situation and asked if there was a policy in force. They refused to tell me on the basis that to do so would be a breach of the Data Protection Act. I explained that I did not need to know the terms of any policy, merely whether there was one in place. I was even able to let them know the policy number mentioned in the papers I had. It was to no avail. This means that I will now have to go to the trouble and expense of writing to them with the query and sending them an authenticated copy of the power of attorney. The likelihood is that there is no such policy in effect.

• I wanted to cancel my aunt’s credit card as it was no longer being used apart from a regular payment by direct debit in respect of a magazine subscription. Her bank explained that the card could not be cancelled as long as the publishers were applying for payment under the direct debit. My aunt wanted to continue with the subscription so I telephoned the publishers to explain the position and ask them to send me a form of mandate so that I could switch the direct debit to her current account. They said they were unable to do so as the mandate would contain her membership number and this would be in breach of the Data Protection Act. I suggested that this problem could be overcome by sending me the form in blank and they could add the number after I had returned it. They felt unable to do this and asked me to write to them sending a copy of the power of attorney. At that stage I did not have the original document as it was with the Department for Work and Pensions. I therefore sent the publishers a copy of a letter from the Office of the Public Guardian, addressed to me, confirming that the power of attorney had been registered. I received no reply. It subsequently became clear that my aunt was no longer reading the magazine as recent editions were still in their unopened wrappers. I therefore wrote to the publishers asking them to cancel the subscription and, by then, I was in a position to send them an official copy of the power of attorney. They rang me to confirm that they would do so and explained that they had replied to my earlier letter but had sent it to my aunt. As I had explained at the outset that my aunt was suffering from dementia, this was neither helpful nor intelligent.

• I needed some information from a well-known financial institution regarding an investment my aunt had with them. I therefore wrote to them, with an official copy of the power of attorney, identifying the investment in question and requesting the information. They replied saying that, as part of processing my request, they were required under current legislation to verify the identity of my aunt. I was accordingly obliged to write to them with certified copies of two types of document, from an enclosed list, as evidence that my aunt actually existed and that she lived at the address I had given. This seemed to me to be absurd as they had been quite happy to accept my aunt’s money when she made the investment, she had been living at her current address at the time it was made and they had been writing to her at that address for the past several years.

I do not profess to have an expert knowledge of the Data Protection Act or the current money-laundering regulations but it does seem to me, from my personal experiences, that there must be many occasions where they are being applied inappropriately or without any application of common sense.

At her next check-up, the new doctor reviewed a list of the lady’s recent prescriptions. He was amazed to see one of the items on the list.

“Mrs Smith, do you realise that you are being prescribed BIRTH CONTROL pills?”

“Yes, they help me sleep at night.”

“Mrs Smith, I assure that there is nothing in these pills that could possibly help you sleep.”

She reached out and patted the young doctor’s knee.

“Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in my 16-year-old granddaughter’s glass of orange juice. And, believe me, it helps me sleep at night.”