Alive & Twitching

You know you’re getting old when…

1. People telephone at 9.00pm and ask “Did I wake you ?”
2. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
3. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
4. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
5. You investment in health insurance is now beginning to pay off.
6. In a hostage situation you’re likely to be released first.
7. You get into heated discussions about pension plans.
8. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
9. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
10. You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
11. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
12. You stop trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks in the room.
13. Your night out is sitting on the patio.
14. Happy hour is an afternoon nap.
15. You can’t remember the website where you saw these jokes.